This is Hikari's Story

In November 2019, I guess I found a new home. This family smells like cats fur. Why don't I just try my luck at the front door.

Ah it's already late. They've closed all doors. Never mind I'll try again tomorrow morning when the sun rises again and they'll open the front door to let the fresh air and the sunlight in. I'll spend my night under the gazebo gazing at their window until I sleep.

...

The sun rises again yeah... Here I go at the front door. They will open the door soon. One... two... three... four... five... kriok... "Meow (Hello)! Aah... This one must be the house cheerleader". He looks plump and full with the smell of cats' fur.

...

I am finally in. A young lady took me into the living room. An elderly woman pat me on my head. It feels good. Another younger lady tried to lift me from the floor but it must be my smelly belly that made her put me back on the floor. Uuh, that leather-covered chair feels comfy. And the young lady's fingers were so soft on my head and back too. Geez, I'm in heaven already. That boy gazed at me with his small eyes. He neither liked me nor seemed to hate me. He just brushed my head once and swiftly went away.

...

They bathed me. I must've been smelly like rats! Good God the shampoo smells like the flowers in front of the female hostel gate. But this one smells better.

...

Well, now I think they already took me as their new member in the house. I no longer have to sleep at the gazebo in cool windy nights. I have the warm comfy selections of sofa, bed or the leather chairs. I'll just have to choose from. They didn't chase me out since the first day they took me in. Thank God they even served me food in a nice new bowl. It's always full. Huargh... I'm sleepy now. Where's the comfy bed? Hi there, may I join a snuggle? hhhhzzzzz...zzzz...zzzz

...

Mid-December. It's a rainy day. But it's been raining in these few days. Luckily it's not snowy. Wait, where are they going? Why they're so busy going up and down the stairs with bags and big bags. This is not good.

...

It's been two days. This house is empty without them. Lonely air. Where's the cheerleader and the ladies and the boy? I'll be waiting here until they come back.

...

Kriok... o yeah it must be them! I'm coming to the front door. Wait... who is this guy?? 

Oh yes now I remember. He's the guy next door. What's he doing here? Hey hey hey... what are you doing? Don't touch the... oh hey he's filling my food bowl! How nice! Nyummy nyum nyum... this flavor's tastier. Where'd you get it nice guy? Now you smile at me though you didn't answer my question. Never mind. Hey wait where're you going now? I haven't finished eating. O he closed the door again. Oh it's okay... I have food here and I'll be waiting for the family until they return.

...

I guess it must be the end of December or early January. After a long wait suddenly the front door swung open. "Hello Kari", she said. Yes it's the young lady and the cheerleader of the family. I'm happy to see them again. Wait, my name is Kari? Well, that sounds not bad. I like it. She lifts me from the floor. It feels good. But where are the other members? We spend time together in the living room for a while before they go upstairs. Hey wait for me!

...

It's been months. I'm gaining weight. I must be happy in this house. Though the young lady only be seen in the house every two weeks, the cheerleader is always here with me. He must've grown fond of me day after day because I'm the only living creature in the house whom he can talk to when he is alone. The other family members have never come back. I wonder where are they now.

...

It's a hot summer night. I slept on the cool parquet floor in front of the cheerleader's bedroom door. Suddenly I heard the voice of the cheerleader like he's wailing in pain. I quickly burst into the room and jumped onto the bed at the end of his feet. My movement woke him up and he stopped wailing instantly and quickly sat down looking at me. His breathing was fast. "Yo! You must've had a nightmare bro", I said. He looked at me looking at him as if he'd listened to what I said.  "Thank you Kari," he finally said. He pulled me next to him and we eventually dozed off until the sun rises again. It's indeed a moment of the calm and sound sleep I've ever had in my life.

...

In the end of March the house is empty again. The cheerleader left again after he filled up my food bowl and my drinking bottle full. He said, "Bye for a while Kari. I'll see you again". Well, that's his normal promise to me and he always kept it. Every time I missed him after he's gone, he'd always come back as he promised. One week... two weeks... three weeks... why is he not here again?

...

I gotta go out. It's been too long to wait. This house is so lonely so empty. Kriok... oh it's you guy next door! Thank God you come to my rescue again just when I need it. Why are you holding the front door open now? Are you letting me go out of the door? Did you nod? It looks like yes from you. You're not angry are you? Oh yesss I'm out in the fresh air.  The sky is blue. The trees swaying gracefully. The birds are singing sweetly. But where's the cheerleader?

...

It's now May. I've been looking at the house window every night from the gazebo again. The house is dark from here. Not even a single light from the window. Where have they been? I've been missing them especially my best friend the cheerleader. The guy next door sometimes tries to bring me into his house but I prefer to wait here until the cheerleader and his family come back. I can wait and will wait till they come back.

...

It's almost dark. The sun's setting in. The wind blew softly in the dusk hour as if whispering a good news to my ears. Suddenly my nose caught a familiar smell. It's lingering in the air. The cheerleader! I smell the cheerleader! I ran quickly to the house. Yes that's him! And the ladies and the boy! O my God, I missed them so much. The young lady quickly ran to me while the cheerleader looked at me and smiled like he never before. My long waiting has finally come to the end. Thank you God for reuniting us again. Thank you for giving me another chance to be with this family again. It's good to be home again.

  

Hikari the Lost Cat

Friday May 29th, 2020

6th Syawal 1441H.

Dealing with loss of someone or something dear has never been easy. It needs strength to carry on and move on with the absence of once was that always there beside you.

Adjustment and adaptation of the new life will never be easier too. It requires time. It takes toll on your emotions. It demands greater attention from people around you.

Another loss today took me down again.

I am sorry Kari. 

Really sorry that I can't make you stay longer with us.

I am sorry that I was not a good caretaker.

I am sorry if I undeliberately left you unattended at times.

I am sorry for not being able to give you the best.

BUT I know you deserve a better life there than the life here with pain. 

Now that you're sleeping forever for sure there will be no more pain for you. 

Rest well there Hikari.

Be happy there with the rest of all good and loyal cats like you are to us. 

Thank you for the short sweet moments with us. We will always remember you as our family.

#hikariinmemory

#adoptedstraycats

#fromstrangertofamilymember

Catatan PdP PJJ Semasa PKP

Musim PKP begini rasa serba salah dibuatnya bagi seorang guru yang juga seorang ibu. Gambar kartun viral seorang ibu yang tengah memasak sambil memegang tab tu bukan tengah tengok resepi. Tapi dia tengah jawab soalan anak-anak muridnya secara online. Dalam masa yang sama si anak kecil pun bertanya minta bantuan selesaikan tugasan yang cikgunya bagi. Itu memang real. Tak kisah lah siapa creator kartun tu dan haters tak payah nak kecam dia sangat sebab perkara tu memang benar berlaku. Sekurang-kurangnya dia memahami keadaan semasa.

Ia buat saya berfikir. Bagaimana jika anak murid saya tak ada kemudahan seperti laptop dan printer di rumahnya? Okay mungkin ibu bapanya boleh bantu pinjamkan tab atau smartphone. Alhamdulillah, telco kita yang ada baik Celcom, Digi, Yes dll dah bagi 1GB free data sejak 1 April. Terima kasih buat PM kita yang prihatin. Tapi percayalah bukan semua isi rumah memiliki lebih daripada satu smartphone yang aktif.

Saya terharu dengan komitmen ibu bapa dan semangat anak-anak murid yang berusaha menyelesaikan tugasan secara online. Alhamdulillah walaupun return rate di bawah jangkaan saya tetap bersyukur kerana ada juga yang menghantar hasil tugasan anak untuk diperiksa. Minta maaf jika ada yang terlewat balas kerana saya juga manusia biasa.

Ramai yang menyangka kerja guru mengajar secara online lebih mudah. Hakikatnya tidaklah semudah yang ramai fikirkan. Antara cabaran pdp dlm talian ialah penggunaan data internet samada di pihak guru, murid atau ibu bapanya. Lebih-lebih lagi apabila melibatkan murid berkeperluan khas di mana pelbagai bentuk bahan multisensori audio dan visual perlu dihasilkan. Dengan kata lain, ia memerlukan lebih banyak bahan bergambar berserta audio instructions untuk memastikan mesej dan isi kandungan pembelajaran sampai dengan mudah dan jelas. Semua itu memerlukan storan imej yang besar dan data yang banyak untuk melancarkan proses penyampaian kepada murid. Bayangkan jika anda hanya memiliki telefon kurang pintar tanpa storan data yang mencukupi. Sudah pasti tekanan menghantui sepanjang menjalani sesi pdp.

Apabila memberi maklumbalas ke atas kerja murid pula ia semestinya segera. Yang dihantar melalui media WhatsApp atau Telegram adakalanya diterima pada jam 10 malam. Kadangkala selang sehari setelah tugasan diberi. Namun atas dasar amanah dan tanggungjawab sebagai seorang guru maka dilayan seperti biasa sebagaimana murid-murid yang lain yang telah menghantar lebih awal atau tepat pada masanya. Apa yang penting ialah penghargaan terhadap usaha murid dan maklumbalas pada kadar segera.

Saranan saya buat rakan guru seperjuangan, berpada-padalah ketika memberikan kerja rumah atau tugasan buat anak-anak murid kita. Janganlah sampai berbelas muka surat dan pada aras yang di luar kemampuan mereka. Ada ibu bapa yang meminta tugasan untuk anaknya tak apalah kita layankan saja sebab itu hak dia. Mungkin sudah tiada idea untuk mengisi masa lapang anaknya dalam tempoh PKP ini maka kita bantulah kerana memang itu tanggungjawab kita sebagai guru. Dalam masa yang yang sama, kita tak mahu mewujudkan stress kepada sesiapa sehingga membebankan pula ibu bapa dan ahli keluarganya. Bersederhanalah dlm membuat apa-apa. Kita permudahkan urusan orang lain mudah-mudahan Allah permudahkan urusan kita pula. Aamiiin.

Timbangan

Assalamualaikum wrt wbr....
Pagi ini saya ingin berkongsi mengenai tafsir surah Ar Rahman (surah yang ke 55 dalam al Quran). Entah kenapa tiba-tiba tergerak hati nak membaca tafsir surah ini khususnya bila sampai bacaan pada ayat ke 9.

وَأَقِيمُوا الْوَزْنَ بِالْقِسْطِ وَلَا تُخْسِرُوا الْمِيزَانَ - 55:9

And establish weight in justice and do not make deficient the balance(Ar Rahman, verse 9)

Dalam bahasa Melayu bermaksud :

Dan betulkanlah cara menimbang itu dengan adil, serta janganlah kamu mengurangi barang yang ditimbang (Ar Rahman, ayat 9)

Ayat ini membuat saya berfikir....
Jika kita sempitkan skop menimbang kepada menimbang barang dalam sesi jualbeli maka ayat ini sangat mudah untuk difahami.
Akan tetapi saya bukan seorang peniaga yang menjual barang (belum lagi jadi ahli yang aktif hehehe).

Saya mencari rezeki dengan menjual daya pemikiran saya bermodalkan ilmu yang dipelajari serta kemahiran berfikir samada untuk membuat keputusan atau membantu pelajar dan rakan sekerja menyelesaikan masalah.

Maka dalam hal ini, konteks timbangan yang bersesuaian bagi saya sekarang ialah pertimbangan akal fikiran berdasarkan ilmu dan set kriteria yang lazimnya telah ditentukan oleh pihak tertentu contohnya seperti rubrik soalan, set skema jawapan, kriteria penilaian dsb. Akhirnya hal ini membuat saya bermuhasabah diri.

Apakah saya telah melakukan proses menimbang dengan adil? Tanpa mengurangi walau sedikit pun? Kerna dalam ayat tersebut perkataan yang ditekankan ialah wa la tukhsiru al  mizan- jangan mengurangi timbangan! Ini bermakna lebih timbangan tak apa. Tapi jangan sesekali kurang sebab ini dilarang atau ditegah sama sekali dalam Islam. Maknanya saya berdosa  jika saya mengurangi timbangan.

Soalan saya pada diri saya sendiri- Apakah yang saya timbang selama ini, berdasarkan pengalaman  sebagai seorang guru?

Jawapannya: Saya menimbang hasil kerja pelajar saya. Dan juga ada kalanya diminta menilai prestasi kerja rakan setugas saya yang lazimnya berdasarkan set-set kriteria yang telah ditentukan.
Alat pengukur atau penimbangnya apa? Otak saya dan juga akal dan pertimbangan saya dalam memberi markah itulah jarumnya; bukankah begitu? Bertepatan dengan kata orang "Bekerja guna otak" seperti yang selalu kita dengar. Tapi otak itu tidak akan dapat menilai dan memproses apa-apa pun jika tiada akal fikiran. Jikalau tidak, akan jadilah 'otak kosong' umpama alat penimbang tanpa jarum yang berfungsi.

Oleh itu, saya berfikir- apakah saya pernah tersalah dalam menimbang? Jika pernah, apakah kesalahan menimbang itu melebihi atau mengurangi daripada yang sepatutnya orang itu dapat?

Allahu.... semua persoalan itu membuat saya insaf.

Maka saya harus ingat selalu. Menimbang biar lebih, jangan sesekali kurang. Kerana jika kurang, hal itu bahaya bahkan mendatangkan dosa! Nauzubillah min zalik.

Jadi saya mengajak anda dan mengingatkan diri saya sendiri agar kita perhatikanlah pekerjaan kita khususnya berkaitan hal ini walau di sektor mana pun kita bekerja mencari rezeki. Jelasnya jika pertimbangan kita benar dan tidak mengurangi bahkan melebihi maka ia akan jadi pahala buat kita. Sebaliknya jika berlaku kesilapan dan kesalahan dalam menimbang maka perbetulkanlah dan mohonlah kita keampunan daripada Allah SWT semoga tiada dosa yang dicatatkan pada helaian buku amalan kita. Marilah kita berhati-hati agar alat penimbang kita tepat berdasarkan ilmu dan kemahiran yang kita ada dan tidak dirosakkan oleh penyakit seperti keruntuhan akhlak, korupsi dan diskriminasi.

Allahu a'lam bissawab. Allah lebih mengetahui segala perkara. Yang menulis ini bukanlah lebih baik daripada yang membaca melainkan kita sama-sama sentiasa muhasabah diri semoga kita mendapat ilmu dan petunjuk daripada Allah serta menyampaikannya pula kepada orang lain agar lebih bermanfaat buat kita hidup di dunia dan di akhirat. Aamiin.

Kasih Tanpa Syarat

Assalamualaikum wrt wbr...
Sudah lama tidak menulis. Last entry pada Ogos 2008. Itu pun sekadar suka-suka sambil menyiapkan kerja kursus semasa menuntut ilmu di UKM dulu.

Hari ini tergerak untuk berkongsi sesuatu.

Nak dijadikan cerita, pagi ini aku terpaksa mengambil cuti rehat khas untuk membawa anak ketigaku ke klinik mendapatkan rawatan doktor. Badannya tiba-tiba panas semalam dan serangan asma kembali setelah lama tidak berulang. Macam-macam sebab yang ada difikiran. Akhirnya konsultasi doktor membuatkan ku sedikit lega. Kata doktor, mungkin dia penat dan tertekan. Minggu ini adalah minggu ujian di sekolah.

Teringat saya ketika dia berumur 8 bulan dahulu. Ketika itulah kali pertama dia diserang asma sehingga dimasukkan ke dalam wad kecemasan Hospital UPM Serdang. Perasaanku ketika itu hanya Allah saja yang tahu. Anak ketigaku ini memang agak berlainan sedikit daripada abang dan kakaknya yang sulung. Padaku dia agak 'struggled'  diuji dari segi kesihatan.

Tetapi apa yang sebenarnya yang ingin kukongsikan kali ini bukan mengenai masalah kesihatan anak  ini. Ada dialog antara kami pagi tadi yang amat menyentuh perasaanku sebagai seorang ibu.

Syuhada: Ummi tidak kerja hari ni?
Saya : Tidak. Ummi pun tidak berapa sihat (sambil pura-pura menggosok kepalaku)
Syuhada: Alamak, kesian Ummi... (dengan nada sedih). Mesti Ummi terjangkit daripada Syuhada. Sorry ya Ummi (dalam nada bersalah dan memelukku).

Masa itu hanya Allah saja yang tahu betapa terharunya aku. Dalam sakit begitu pun dia berasa bimbang tentang aku walhal akulah yang sepatutnya lebih bimbangkan tentang kesihatannya.

Ya Allah... Engkau kurniakanlah kesihatan tubuh badan dan akal fikiran buat anak-anakku dan kepada semua ahli keluargaku. Terasa betapa lemahnya diri ini bila memikirkan akan kebesaranMU ya Allah. Ampunilah dosaku ya Rahman ya Raheem ya Á'fu ya Kareem.

My Sweet Home Fulliwa

This is my first house. I remember buying it together with my husband in 2006. It has been 11 years since we officially became the owner of this house (although we still share its ownership with the bank).

It isn't a big one like 2K square feet bungalow. But the feeling of a first-timer-house-buyer in that year was indescribable. My late father was very excited too I guess. He often visited us at least thrice a month to stay over during weekends and had intermittent long and short family conversations while enjoying meals or TV shows together. Sometimes in early morning or in the afternoon, he would sit on a wooden bench on the patio just to have some fresh air while watching cars on the main road not very far from our house. Many other times he would greet neighbours and passers-by on the pedestrian lane of the housing area next to the house fence to show his genuine countryside courtesy. Well, this house is located not exactly in the heart of the city but neither it is built in a small town or in a village. I prefer to call it a suburban area because it's located in between Kota Kinabalu city, the small town of Manggatal and Tobobon village. That's what I love most about this house.

This is the interior part of the house. I used to call it 'my centre of peace' since here is the section of the house where I meet my guests, friends and family members whenever they come to my house. Once, I really enjoyed accepting people to my house as if every day was an open house. Both expected or unexpected. Do you want to know why? Because my children were used to be an extrovert type of personalities when they were a little kid. They really enjoyed it when people came to our house. In Sabah, we call it "Aramaiti" which means "Lets party!". There were times when without asking or informing me, they surprised me innocently with the visits of the little angels imported from the house of our neighbour next door.

Yet time has changed people, things and many situations. My dad passed away in 2015 and my children have grown up as teenagers. Well, you know teenagers in this cyber-era and smartphones invasion- they spend much of their time in their room either drawing, chit-chatting with friends over their smartphones or watching Japanese or Korean drama from the internet. My one and only boy was addicted to online games. They no longer take pleasure in the casual face to face conversations with friends or family members. Maybe I will write another entry about this next time. In this entry, I just want to focus on my home sweet home. At the moment of this writing, I am sitting in another living room of a different house. In fact, the living room is still the centre of my peace. When sitting alone in it, I used to have many ideas about life and future life.  Another sweet home but with totally different situations. In shaa Allah, God allows, I will write another entry about my new centre of peace. Till the right time comes.

My Family in 2006

Hari Raya in 2006. It was the first time celebrating Eid in our own house. What a feeling. Thinking about it has always made me wonder how did we survive it all. To be honest, I was not a moneymaker. Let alone a wealthy businesswoman like I used to dream of when I was a little girl. But one thing for sure- it must have been LOVE. 
Loving my family is definitely underrated. I love both my nucleus and my extended family. There was nothing I couldn't do as long as I have my family by my side. I could survive and sacrifice many things just because of and for my family.






Around that year I thought my career was number two. It was less important to me compared to my family. But I'm not saying that it is different or the other way around now. In fact, my family is still my ultimate priority amongst other things in my life. It is just so the nature of my work has been demanding a lot and sometimes it is too much. Almost my entire weekend and leisure time is dedicated to working. Sometimes I must go to work even on Saturdays. In 24 hours, I have been bound to orders, instructions, deadlines, etc related to works via WhatsApp and/or Telegram even when I'm asleep! Life has become less and less fun and too serious. I lost common sense and missed lots of important things in life. Sometimes I felt like a robot being programmed for receiving and executing a routine instruction. What kind of human is like that? Semi-robotic maybe? Don't I have a family to attend to? Wait, I may sound like ranting complaints but no I'm not. I just need to vent out because there are some other working women who have the same feeling as mine towards the work-family balance challenges out there. Trust me, it's not an easy peasy business matter to deal with especially when you have a company of growing-up school children in your house.